So the most common questions I get asked is "are you still with Anthony?". No.
After I left for basic training, we were still together. But after being stuck in basic training for medical reasons, I finally graduated after 6 months of being stuck there. After I arrived at my new base for technical training, I found out he had moved on and I decided to open a new chapter of my life. Surprisingly enough, I wasn't devastated about it. I was excited to learn my job, and meet new people.
After being in Texas as an Air Force student, I met this amazing guy named Brett. We were tech school sweethearts, to say the least! We were inseparable and we truly enjoyed each others company. After about two months of knowing him, I got orders to Japan and he got orders to Germany. Now this really upset me but I'm a true believer that everything happens for a reason. He moved to Germany for two years and I moved to Japan for the same amount of time.
After being in Japan for a while, I entered a relationship that eventually turned toxic. I was cheated on and emotionally abused for the first year. After getting off that emotional rollercoaster, I decided to cut off all communication with this guy. He didn't like it and things escalated quickly. The situation ended with him in handcuffs and with a military order to not speak to me again during the remainder of his time at our base.
I eventually reunited with Brett after two years of being apart and we are as happy as can be. He has met my folks and I've met him. Everything is going great and I can't wait to do a video with him in the future!
After I move to Texas at the end of the month, Brett will be moving back to the states as well. We'll still be in a long distance relationship, but I'm sure we can make it work.
Hopefully I've answered our question! We live and we learn. We meet new people and we lose friends. But it's all apart of life and that's ok. Just keep looking towards the future!
xoxo Jasmaryz Lollita
After two long years of being off of youtube, I felt like something was missing. I know it sounds kind of dumb but I truly missed it. I moved to Japan for work and I lived in a small room and I had absolutely no space to record. I tried to make it work a few times but it just wasn't working. Now I am on my way back to Texas and I can't wait! I already have a few apartments in mind.
Im so excited to finally have a second bedroom exclusively for my filming. But until then, I am borrowing a friend's spare bedroom to record and I couldn't be more grateful. I've been recording nonstop and it's amazing! Although it's a lot of work, I'm currently in the process of stocking up on video footage prepared during my transition to Texas. I just know that if I play my cards right, I can do pretty well with this whole youtube thing.
For my new years resolution, I hope to be consistent with posting when I move. No more excuses!
If you guys have any particular video requests, please leave them here. I love you all!
xoxo Jasmaryz Lollita
saturday night i was scrolling around on my youtube and for some reason its been gradually getting subscribers. i screenshot my page and posted it on instagram with a caption that read something along the lines of “i cant wait to reach 5,000 subscribers!”. i had exactly 4,919. i thought it would take forever to reach 5,000 because i usually only get an average of 10-15 subscribers a day.
i went to bed and to my surprise the very next morning, i had a total of 5,050 subscribers! i did the math…it was about a 130 new subbies overnight. as the day progressed, i continued to refresh the page on my phone and the number kept going up! by the send of sunday night i had 5,159 subscribers.
i dont know how i got so many in such a short period of time but you can imagine how exited i was! i know it wasnt a fake subscriber count number because of a sub4sub website because the comments were rolling in too! i know this must seem like a stupid entry to some people but my youtube is very important to me. ive been told by a lot of girls that if i didnt create my account, that they wouldnt have the confidence they have today.
its truly amazing hearing that have changed someones life. its truly indescribable. so in this entry id like to thank everyone who has subscribed to me especially from the very beginning when i was still shy and mute. i love you guys. i really do. you are all so precious to me. you say you couldnt be that person today without me…well i would definitely not be the person i am today without every single one of my beautiful and sweet fan girls. i owe everything to you guys :) i love you <3
someone asked me a question the other day on twitter. it was a girl who didn’t look older than 14 years old. she told me a little bit about her situation over a message. she asked me if she should forgive her boyfriend who cheated on her when he was drunk. she even told me that he didn’t consider it cheating because he wasn’t in his right state of mind. that was complete crap.
for one, you are aprox. 14 years old. if a guy cheats on you then obviously leave him. its way too early in life to dwell on a relationship that is clearly heading towards a destructive past. now i may seem like a hypocrite about this situation because ive been in this situation before. i was constantly cheated on, lied to and hurt by the same person and that lasted about a year on and off.
if it wasn’t for my current (amazing) bf & (amazing) friends, then id probably still be hung up over something that i should have immediately ended. i was 15 at the time. what i considered my first real relationship and its something i regret. but if i never had that experience then i wouldn’t appreciate the relationship i have now. my advice in this entry is to get rid of a person at early warning signs. save yourself the heartache. people dont change. they only attempt to lie better (for the most part). but chances are, if you know me or follow me on tumblr than we are probably apart of the same peer group. all i have to say is that you are young and you can do better. don’t limit yourself to one person if they do nothing but hurt you and put you through pure agony over and over again.
you should never think that you cant do better because leaving them is the first step to happiness. the exact same day i dumped him, i started talking to my current boyfriend. we were lon distance for an entire year before i saw him for the first time. don’t get me wrong…there was pain in this relationship. nothing compares to that incredibly long wait. but at least i trusted him, loved him and believed our relationship whole heartedly. today we have been together for about a year and a half and currently live together. hes the most amazing thing that has happened to me.
im not saying regret the bad relationships you have…im saying truly learn from them. every relationship, good or bad, has its lesson. from that terrible relationship i learned to speak my mind and to respect myself.
if i never dated that ass, i wouldn’t have met my current boyfriend. i wouldn’t have a reason to talk to him. we began dated because i needed someone to get my mind off the pain. now he’s the person i want to spend the rest of my life with.
tonight i was contacted by a 23 year old beautiful woman who messaged me out of the blue. the fact that she was older than me kinda threw me off to be honest. i get messages from girls who are younger than me but not someone older. one of the messages she sent me was: ” im doing great. just sittin here thinking to myself about how much you inspire me.”
this is coming from someone who just discovered my youtube fairly recently (i would assume). so something like that really caught me by surprise. i have been speaking to her for about two hours and counting. and from what ive seen, shes really pleasant to talk to. eventually she asked me this: “what makes you so open and dont care about what others think of you?”. to be honest, i do care what others think of me. everyone does. anyone that says otherwise is lying through their teeth.
she told me she was battling with her self esteem but hat she was getting better. i responded with “everyone has self esteem problems. even the seemingly perfect people you see on tv. but i just recently learned to only care about how i felt about myself. no matter who you are, you will always have people who love you and some who don’t and you shouldn’t dwell on a situation that every person deals with. its really not worth it.”
you were put on this earth to do something. no matter whether its to be a doctor, mechanic, house wife, makeup artist, laundry mat owner…whatever! you were put on this earth for a reason. and i don’t believe caring about the insignificant opinions of people you don’t even know is even necessary. its really not.
don’t get me wrong, everything i’m saying is easier said than done…but just like everything else we know takes time…such as walking, brushing our teeth or reading…its something we need to work at. some people may appear to have the highest confidence in the world. this is true, but there is not one person in this world who doesn’t have that insecure thought in the back of their head. its something everyone has. its natural. and although its our human nature, i’m a strong believer in not letting something so stupid run your life.
again…easier said than done, right? of course.everyone has their own situation. but sometimes, no matter who you are, you need a reality check. you need to understand that you were made the way you are for a reason. now i’m not getting into the subject of changing yourself in this entry. i’m simply saying that self esteem is something only you can control. in this wise words of katt williams (lol) “how in the hell did i ruin your self esteem!? its called self esteem!”
although i got a little side tracked, im just going to finish this entry with a few more sentences. do not allow the opinions of others dictate your life. its simply not worth it. you are worth more than that. going along with my january 13th (1st) entry…you are going to be the only person who will truly take care of yourself.
i am truly amazed at how happy i have made some girls. i still consider myself a “no body”. so when i see tweets on twitter that say “omg @jasmaryzlollita just followed me! my day is made!” or “i wish i could meet @jasmaryzlollita…too bad i live in texas</3” it truly amazes me. im still another person and just the fact that i have this power to make even one person (whom ive never met) happy, i feel incredible.
famous people, whether online or actual celebrities, they would be nothing without their fans. and neither would i. i am simply an 18 year old girl who records makeup videos and random vlogs in my very vibrant, very pink bedroom. im immature and i will probably stay that way for a very long time.
and since i know i would obviously not be known without my beautiful fans, i decided something today. if i can make someones day just by following them on their favorite social network, imagine if they received a call from me? i decided to make a “fan call” video series on youtube where i record the reactions of the people i call. i thing it would so amazing!
last year when i went to warped tour in orlando, not one fan approached me. when i went home, i received instagram comments from people who were too intimidated and shy to say hi! so im writing this entry to let everyone know, im nothing special. im just like you. if you see me and want to say hi then please do so! nothing would make my day more than to take a picture with a fan.
thats truly a dream of mine. i want someone who recognizes me from online and actually knows my name. as dumb as it sounds, i truly believe it would be priceless to make someones day.
if you just so happen to be a fan reading this and would like to receive a phone call from me… then email your *name, phone number, age, state and what kind of phone number it is (cell or home phone just in case a parent picks up!* to email@example.com <3
ive received so many messages on kik (@jasmaryzlollita) from girls who tell me ive helped them. i swear…its such an amazing feeling to wake up to messages with these girls pouring their hearts out to me and then ending it with “your videos make my day. they give me something to look forward to.”
during this past year, i’ve grown what most people like to call a fan base. although its a mere 5k people, i never take anything like that for granted. plenty of girls reach out to me everyday and i truly feel like its my duty to reply to everything i get while its still possible. i’ve been through my own fair share of heartaches, and emotions that i kept to myself and current boyfriend. i’ve been used, abused and taken advantage of. my emotions have been manipulated by the people who i thought i could trust the most. but in the end, im still struggling with releasing my emotions.
i used to feel like i was nothing. i used to be in a relationship where i was constantly told i was a failure. i was told that the way i dressed, or wanted to look was “slutty”. i put that word in quotes because that was the exact word he used along with a few others.
eventually i cut all my hair and dyed it the way i wanted despite what he said to me. i loved how it looked and i loved the beginning of change. that very same day, i broke away from that relationship. although i had problems at home & school my current boyfriend (and two best friends) brought me out of my dark hole.
im not writing this to receive pity. i’m really not. this is a message to my fan girls who message me about their problems everyday. i want them to know that problems happen to everyone…including the people you regularly see on the street or even the people you admire online.
i’ve been in this place, although others have worse situations, where i wanted it to just end. i hurt myself and this is not something i’ve openly said to anyone. i hope that anyone who reads this truly knows it gets better. that ex boyfriend told me my youtube idea was stupid. look at me today…
i have 2 very amazing friends who i vented to everyday. i have what i really believe is a perfect boyfriend who i plan to marry quite soon. i may only have 5k followers. but that’s more than most people can experience. i’m not just another youtuber that seeks attention…although that’s how it started out, i will admit. but today its so much bigger than myself altogether. there are girls that went through exactly what i went through…maybe even more.
but its not something you should dwell on. it only took me one day after years of pain to realize that i, myself, can change how i feel. one thing i’ve learned is that no one, absolutely no one will take care of you than yourself. sure, you may have an amazing, family or friends…but i’ve learned first hand that they may not always be there. the only person that is going to be there for you, is yourself….and i really hope you gained something from today’s entry. be yourself…no matter who it is. be yourself because caring for yourself is a beautiful thing. and never let anyone tell you otherwise.
im not just some airhead who post a million pictures & videos. im a real person. and so are you.